His Birthday Present to Himself
by mickXfan
Summary: Squall is being stalked by two yellow chickens.


**His Birthday Present to Himself**

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><p>Disclaimer: Dissidia Final Fantasy characters dont belong to me. They belong to Square Enix.<p>

Summary: Squall is being stalked by yellow chickens.

Be prepared for OOCness due to the fact that I was in a not-so-very-sober state of mind when I wrote this little catastrophe.

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><p>Squall was in a very agitated, but highly amused mood, emotions currently being denied disclosure on his cold countenance. He was on the run, forced into hiding within the shadows, on constant lookout for a pair of suspicious-looking Chocobos that were hot on his heels for Hyne knows whatever inane reason.<p>

Two days prior, Cloud and Tidus had opted to disguise themselves as giant yellow chickens for the sole sake of stalking him. He had known that the Blitzball ace would resort to idiocy in the name of obviously failing subterfuge, but to think that Cloud of all people had willingly gone along with the idea was a mix between surreal and downright unfathomable.

He had finally reasoned to himself, watching as the two stood out like sore thumbs in the middle of a chocobo herd, that Cloud must have lost a bet with either the ladies or Sephiroth. Contrary to popular belief, better known as the conclusion of a rather extensive grapevine caused by JENOVA's son himself, Cloud was a ladies man.

Of course, now that most of the previous cycle's female leads had done the smart thing and ditched early, the only ones left were Terra- who had finally knocked up with Zidane- and Shantotto, to a slightly pedophilic, and not entirely geriophilic, extent. That meant that Cloud's recent fall off the sanity ladder had been the fault of his silver-haired obsession, and Squall had vowed to never again interfere with that mine-laden relationship for fear of his terribly mortal life.

Thus, the lanky brunet found himself the target of yet another one of the unlikely pair's game of cat and mouse – or morbidly amused fighter and grown men making fools of themselves. Ducking behind a low wall, Squall reached into the confines of his bomber jacket and pulled out a couple of Ex Cores he had inadvertently borrowed from Kefka's not-so-secret stash. He cracked one open and allowed the pure energy to blend with his magic, the buzz of an adrenaline-induced high heightening his combat senses.

With careful precision, the gunblader flung two Cores over the wall and inwardly smirked as two chocobos stiffened across the field, their silhouettes slowly inching closer to investigate the innocuous bells. No true warrior of Cosmos could ever be adverse to the allurement of a major power-up, and the feather-clad fighters were no exception.

The taller chocobo abruptly paused midway in his beeline towards a glowing bell, the hesitation earning him wary glances from his shorter companion. The large blonde spike on his head quivered in cautious anticipation as he turned to gaze upon a nearby wall, unmoving even at the sight of taunting bells in his peripheral vision. Squall mentally cursed. If he hadn't known any better, he would have thought that the whole facade of Cloud's gravity-defying hair was to house a frikking radar.

With Ex mode still coursing through his blood, Squall allowed trigger-happy tendencies to take over as Revolver flared with the violent blue of Lion Heart. He lunged for the duo of plumage with merciless speed, side-stepping a counter thrown one second too slow, and fired a round of explosive jabs into the side of a flailing chicken. Tidus yelped as shredded feathers blinded his vision from the sight of Cloud dodging the sweeping arc of a gunblade. With the fading of initial surprise and helpless realisation at the lack of First Tsurugi by his side, the ex-Soldier succumbed to desperate measures. Jerking his head back and charging forward in the guise of a headbutt, Cloud resorted to the use of the sharpest and deadliest object in his current arsenal.

Squall felt the last swell of intoxicating magic rush out of his system, just as instincts screamed at him to brace in a defensive position. Gunmetal eyes widened fractionally before the brunet found himself parrying the frantic strikes of a chocobo beak, his mind numbly accepting the fact that Cloud was trying to peck him to death.

Not one to be left out of the fun, Tidus sprung to his clawed feet and joined his feathery comrade in the incongruous battle between man and bird, tipping the scales in their favour as Squall was forced to retreat in the face of hailing beaks. Ex Cores left forgotten on the ground, the gunblader clenched his jaw and let loose another flurry of explosions at the battle-crazed fighters. Taking advantage of the resulting confusion, he dropped low and spun out with a kick at a chocobo's leg. The momentary sense of victory at Cloud's surprised huff was short-lived however as a blur of soft, yellow wrongness promptly slammed itself into his face, knocking him to the ground.

High atop a cliff overlooking the bizarre spectacle of the ensuing brawl stood a man with silver hair and Muramasa held loosely in his right hand. His smirk moved as he hummed a low tune to himself.

"Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday dear Sephiroth, Happy Birthday to meeee."

DA END.


End file.
